Shallow
by itsyourdrunkaunt
Summary: Story based on Captainpeachperfect's gifset (look it up! The feels) in which Chloe is an actress and Beca is in a band. However, in this AU Beca is a DJ and Chloe is a vet with a lot of different things happening. But in the end, the inspiration came from that post. Rated M for later chapters and possible language!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

She hadn't meant for it to go down this way. On the contrary, she remembers the millions of times her and Chloe told each other that they'd see each other again. Remembers the hugs with Fat Amy, the kiss on the cheek from Stacie and even an awkward embrace from Aubrey when she left. And all with the same words: "this isn't goodbye, Becs. We will keep in touch and we will do weekly or monthly or annual meetings!". Not one meeting had happened though. And even though she knows she could have initiated it, that she could have been the one to send out a text in the group chat, she hadn't been the one initiating it. And for some odd reason, no one else had. Or maybe there was another groupchat with the Bellas who _did_ still see each other, and she just wasn't in it.

But like a lot of other things in her life that she could have initiated, she also hadn't imitated any of those. Like she also could have called her dad an extra time, could have sent an extra demo to Jesse and she could have invited Chloe over. But she hadn't. She honestly doesn't even know why. She had, unintentionally, slipped back into her old self. She hadn't wanted to, but without living in a sorority house, not having mandatory lectures where you kind of have to meet people and with working in a very, very competitive business, she had stopped trying not to slip anymore at some point. This is how she rolls, she had been alone before the Bellas anyway, so she could manage to slip back to that old self. Or her younger self. So she changed her mindset, didn't feel sad about being alone and told herself that it was for the better.

As soon as she had moved to LA she had been working her ass off, anyway. And she had told herself that she didn't need anyone. She told herself she didn't rely on her dad anymore, she made her own money. She didn't need her "ex-yet-somehow-managed-to-stay-friends" Jesse anymore, she had short and shallow conversations with people at work (Jesse hadn't bought it though, he kept on stalking her and she eventually just gave in to get rid of his unwanted calls and messages). And she sure as hell didn't need all the Bellas anymore. Because she had been alone before she knew the Bellas, right? So why wouldn't she be able to be alone now?

The only person she had let into her new life every now and then was Chloe. Because she and Chloe had been ever so close during the last few years at Barden that she couldn't bring herself to totally shut her out. Or at least, not intentionally. But with how things had went and how life usually simply tends to go, they someday just kind of lost touch. When Beca had abandoned Barden to move to LA, Chloe had started her master degree in something Beca doesn't remember the name of but is related to her vet-degree. For both of them, it had started off with small jobs. Small bartender jobs to have enough money to keep on studying, small gigs in bars. During those months they had skyped quite regularly. They tried to keep it up every other week. And it had worked, it wasn't always easy, but they made sure it'd work. But then Chloe's master degree demanded more attention and fieldwork, which turned into long working days and too much traveling. And small gigs turned into long nights, meeting important people and multi-day festivals. And most of all, they both had had to improve their qualities, which resulted in working over hours; too long and too many. So eventually two weekly skyping had turned into monthly, which had turned into a simple phone call every few months which ended in irregular texting for birthdays, holidays and a casual **'congrats!'** for graduating or a new single. And that's how it had went. It had been 4 years of those random texts, without much else. For Beca at least.

Chloe, of course, was a social butterfly. Even though she also worked long days and tiring hours, she couldn't let herself be alone. She made new friends during her bartending jobs, which made her time when working always way more fun. Even after she had graduated and she travelled the USA for special medical operations on animals she had managed to make lasting friendships. She usually set the mood, pulled pranks on coworkers (they didn't always work out the way she wanted them to, but in the end there was usually a laugh) and she simply always was in a good mood. Or acted like she was. Some of her coworkers lived close to her holiday home in Miami, so she could keep on seeing them. They would spend Friendsgiving together, New Years and 4th of July. And, being the good daughter she is, she always kept on seeing her mother. When her dad had passed away 2 years after leaving Barden, there were tough times. She realized that family was important, more so than her work. The funeral came around. It was a worthy funeral, one her dad deserved. Some of the Bellas had been there. She had invited Beca, even though she knew the brunette wouldn't be able to make it. Whether Beca was honest about that or whether she couldn't bear to see the Bellas after such a long radio silence, she wasn't sure. The only thing she was really sure about was that she hadn't been there. And after the funeral she decided to stay with her mom for a while. She told herself it was to ensure her mom kept on track, but deep down she knew she was lying to herself when she said that. She herself had needed it, hadn't want to be alone during those hard times and had felt it was a logical move to move closer to her mom. Her mom had let it be. And so did her brother, Max. He had visited them quite regularly, had never stayed the night there though, but he showed that he cared and their bond had grown closer. Maybe closer than it had ever been, against all odds of losing their dad. But at the end of the day, Chloe still had to go back to wherever her job needed her. So she had left her mom and brother, packed her bags and left for her other home. She did see her holiday home Miami as her home, even though she usually didn't sleep there. Most of her work was up in the more rural areas, so she usually flew over there. But when she was done, she went home to Miami. Home was also where she had met Jack. Jack had been a fling, a boyfriend at some point, but was downgraded again to a fling. Frankly, she didn't have time for an actual boyfriend. And in this way, she could continue sleeping with other guys and girls. Chloe was human, shamefully so, and had instincts and desires. Especially when she was far away from home and didn't want to go back to a dark and quiet trailer, hotel or apartment.

So that's how they had both rolled for about 4 years. Barely any contact, drowned in work and dizzy with pretending not to care. But Beca most certainly thought about Chloe a lot. About the Bellas in general. About what she missed and what she had missed out on. Because during her 4 years of keeping busy with being busy and not having time to care, she did lay in bed alone and thought about the Bellas. She thought about Chloe, more precisely. And she could curse herself for being so selfish. For acting like she didn't care, of which the peak was when Chloe had told her about her dad and the funeral. She had cried, more than she thought that she would. She had, unfortunately, never met him. He had been sick during Chloe's college years, and he couldn't be there for graduation. But she had been with Chloe though all the moments concerning her dad. She had been there for every negative result of a scan. She had seen the pain, seen Chloe cry. She herself had felt the pain. She, luckily, had also been there on the flipside of those moments. She had hugged Chloe for every positive result, drank a glass of wine for every well-functioning medicine, and celebrated every time Chloe's dad _was_ ableto attend some family event. But she didn't dare to go to the funeral. Because while she knew his expected lifetime was reducing, she still had never asked Chloe about how he was doing. Or about how she was dealing with the situation. So when the inevitable text came, she had told Chloe she had a gig. That she couldn't cancel it, that it was too big and a chance for her to break through in a new scene. That was partly the truth. She did have a gig, which meant a lot, but she could cancel. She was known and big enough now to pick and choose and cancel some gigs. But she didn't have the guts to face Chloe after four years of mistreating and ignoring her.

Because she knows it was mainly her fault. She was the one that started not replying, started not calling, started 'forgetting' to do something. She's aware of her wrongdoing, and she doesn't usually admit to that. Not quietly to herself, let alone aloud to others. But she misses her, misses the Bellas, and she knows she has to be the one to make it right. At least with Chloe. So when her agent calls her to tell her there is a gig coming up in Miami, she takes it. She doesn't take it immediately: it is her first gig in a new state and it is quite big. But she knows she has to do it. For her music, for herself, and for Chloe. So two days before her flight leaves she scrolls through her messages, feels a sting of annoyance towards herself and swallows hard when it takes her about 4 swipes with her thumb before she reaches the right thread, and clicks on 'Chloe'. She tries not to think too much about the message and sends it quite impulsively.

 **I have a gig in Miami next Tuesday, are you in town?**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2  
 **I have a gig in Miami next Tuesday, are you in town?**

It does take Chloe by surprise. She had expected messages for months, waited for them, but eventually she gave up. It had been too long, but she knew Beca never forgot about her. That she wouldn't be able to even if she wanted to (but she also knows Beca doesn't want to forget about her). But she did give up hope quite a while ago. She imagined Beca to be happy, to have a relationship, to have someone to come home to in a beautiful apartment somewhere in LA with a pretty interior because Beca, at heart, is a perfectionist. Also when it comes to other things than her music. And it was easy to keep up that imagination, it was soothing. Of course she didn't know if it was the truth, but it was easy to believe. Or so she told herself.

So when she gets the message on Saturday, her heart skips a beat. A tiny beat, but it does skip. Unfortunately, she isn't in town. Or at least not at the moment and she didn't plan on flying back. She has another day of research on Monday and research at night on Thursday, and she planned on staying on the farm in Indiana for the two days in between. She knows she should, knows she will be tired if she takes a flight for just two days. Plus she told Michelle, one of her good friends and neighbor, that she wouldn't be back for a while. But Chloe tends to make poor decisions when it comes to things she wants. She tends to take the extra shot, tends to go on one more date, tends to smoke one more cigarette when she's stressed. And she will always want Beca. In any way possible. At this point she would even take her as her enemy, if it would mean she would see her every so often. Because this feeling, this suspense, is far worse. So she decides against what she knows she _should_ do, and texts her back.

" **Oh cool! Yeah I fly back tomorrow night :)".**

She sends the texts and books flights. She actually has a dinner planned with Stefan, her friend and co-researcher, tomorrow, so she texts him to reschedule and he, luckily and as expected, is fine with it. They decide to go for dinner tonight, before she leaves. She gets changed, he picks her up, and they go out to a restaurant in downtown Indiana. Stefan and her had become close friends quite early on, and they had the same kind of humor. She sometimes was afraid he had wanted more from her, but those feelings vanished when he told her about his girlfriend of about 4 years. And she was a bit annoyed by that. Because she always gets told she reads people so well, gets to their secrets quite easily. Beca being the biggest example of that. She had quite easily broken down the wall the -at the time- freshman had built around her. After about a year, the wall was merely one lost brick, when it came to Chloe. So how had she missed this about Stefan? She can't really be anything else than a tad disappointed in herself.

So the dinner with Stefan was as usual: relaxed, funny and freeing. It was good to get off the farm every now and then, even if it was with someone from the farm, but still. They'd talked about the research and the breakthrough, and the little details they still had to go through. And in one way or the other, Stefan had managed to ask Chloe about her love life. It's not that she doesn't like to talk about it, but she just rather doesn't talk about it too much. She's 27 now, and she feels like she should be settling down a bit. She also knows it is still early, but she does get scared every now and then when she thinks about the future. She has this ideal image with kids, a house, a partner who loves her, and enough time and money to provide the best care. And at this point in life, she has none of those, aside from the last one. Which is the least important one at last. So she knows there is work to be done.

"Chloe?", she hears Stefan say.

"Oh yeah, well you know.. I mean I'm single but not alone, you know. But I guess that's not what you mean, right? But yeah it's.. it's complicated. It's a bit weird. It's a long story. Yeah honestly, quite a long story. Let's keep it at that", she doesn't know when she got so lost at words but apparently her vocabulary reduces with age.

Stefan doesn't really respond at first, aside from a laugh and a shake of his head. "So there is someone?", he eventually settles on. And she thinks about that. Because even though Jack is the someone she _should_ be thinking about when this question is asked, she can't help herself but think of Beca. And she probably wouldn't have though about Beca if she hadn't received the text. Then she would have simply thought about Jack, and told Stefan that there is indeed someone but not someone for a long time. But for some reason or the other, which she knows but rather does not recognize, she will also always think about Beca in that way. She had imagined it over and over again. Laying in bed late at night, thinking about situations in which they would finally admit to their feelings. Sometimes verbally, sometimes nonverbally. She had thought about it too often, she knows. And she always acts to her intentions. She takes the extra shot, goes on that extra date, and she still smokes when she's stressed. But in this case, when it comes to Beca, she doesn't follow her instincts. Matter of fact, she has more often than not linea recta ignored her instincts, all because one feeling was stronger than those instincts. She was afraid she would lose Beca if she did. She was afraid of her reaction, was afraid of a total backlash, which she, honestly, would not be able to bear. And when she thinks back about it, she feels a painful sting. She feels the irony seep through her body. Because in the end, in the long run, she had still lost Beca. She still wasn't the answer to Stefan's question.

"No, there really isn't someone actually. I mean, I am seeing someone but he's not really fulfilling my needs, you know? But to be fair, I should stop seeing him. But you know, we're young and we want something, right?", she lets out a hollow chuckle, again at the irony. Her dad had always told her not to lie, only small ones for your own good. Chloe knows she's lying now, to Stefan and, even worse, to herself. And she shouldn't, knows she should honor her dad and be the person he would want her to be. Be the person she wants to be herself. "But anyway, what about you? How's Elise?"


	3. Chapter 3

When she receives Chloe's message, she immediately has a small panic attack. She hadn't really expected her to be in town, to be honest. She follows her on her private Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat and such, and she knew Chloe was in Indiana. She also isn't sure yet whether she is happy or not with the news. So she decides to call Jesse.

"Dude, I'm gonna see Chloe tomorrow. Or like the day after tomorrow. Soon anyway. What should I do? I don't even know if I want this, man. How did I get myself into this?", she rambles. She knows she does, but the small panic attack had grown into a _sincere_ small panic attack, and she honestly needed someone to tell her it will be okay. Sort of.

He laughs at her, kindly though, and says "well, obviously you wanted this about a day ago, when you presumably send her a text or something. So I guess your unconscious does want this, you are just being your afraid little self and you are afraid Chloe is mad at you. Which, I mean, not to be a dick, but would be understandable".

"Thanks heaps Jesse! When was the last time I told you that you are one of my best friends and you obviously always want the best for me?", she says, sarcastically. But she knows he is right. Of course he is. She had wanted this, she does want this, she is just.. not prepared. Not yet. But she will get there.

"You haven't told me that in a while, but you don't need to, as I'm your only friend so I know how you feel about me. Seriously though, you want this. You have wanted this the whole past four years. I am candidly amazed that you did it. Why did you decide to actually do it now?"

And she thinks about that for a while. Why now? She has had the chance before, knows Chloe is near LA every now and then. She could have easily hit her up at some point over the last four years. What had changed that she decided she wanted to get back in touch with her now?

"I actually.. don't know. I guess it was an impulse? I have been thinking about her, you know. I mean, not in a weird way. Just wondered how she was doing. Maybe that's why. Or maybe it's because I'm getting old? We're 25 now. Maybe this is a life changing age. Maybe I am starting to get into my menopause and I feel the regret of not talking to her? Yeah it's probably my hormones. Must be it. 25 dude, you know how old that is? She is even 27 now, maybe I won't –".

"Beca, shut up. Just get your shit together and go and see her, alright? She loves you. Probably still after you have ignored her for 4 years. Which, again, dick move. Can't believe you tried to pull that one on me as well. You know me, I'm stubborn. Thanks for testing me though, made me realize I had to step up my game. Joking. Kind of. But yeah, fly to Miami, play the gig and hang out with her. You need her Becaw, and you know it."

She laughs but also tears up a little bit on the inside. He honestly is too kind for her at times and he still cares too deeply for her. And he knows her almost too well. "Thanks, Jess. Like really. What should I do without you." It was meant to be an endearing goodbye sentence but he, of course, wanted to have the last word. "Probably nothing. Cry yourself to sleep every night?" She just laughs and hangs up on him.

The two days go by quickly. Too quickly, for Beca's liking. She doesn't even really know what she'd been doing all those hours, aside from mentally preparing. She had been thinking about what to say to Chloe when she'd see her again. But she also knows that not any amount of mentally preparing will change her awkwardness at the 'moment supreme', because that's simply how she is. But even though she knows that, she still tries. She packs her bags while mumbling to herself. She packs those bags keeping Chloe in mind. Remembering the clothes Chloe had liked when they still lived at Barden. How she had sometimes made Chloe stare. Which she never addressed, but she knows has happened. Because Chloe had also taken her breath away too many times. Beca has given Chloe too many lingering stares. She tried to do it behind her back, but she knows Chloe caught her at times. But again, it never really got addressed. Only by Fat Amy, who would pester her when they were in their room alone. "I mean Becs, I know you try to cover up your eyes with eyeliner so everybody gets distracted by the actual look in them, but this can't really be unseen. Or at least not for me. You know I have amazing eyesight." Beca had never really responded too frantically, because she honestly didn't know what she had to say. Simply because she didn't know what those looks meant.

She enjoyed watching Chloe, enjoyed being with Chloe. And yes, in a different manner than she enjoyed being with Stacie or Fat Amy. Albeit she was very close with Fat Amy as well. But just in a different way. More shallow. Not that their friendship was shallow, absolutely not, but she never really got fully unraveled by Fat Amy. Not in the way Chloe had unraveled her. Which she had done way too quickly. But that was more of an exception than Fat Amy not being able to unravel her.

She hadn't liked it, at first. Chloe had come too close, had asked too personal questions too early on in the game. But she nevertheless always found herself answering them. Because she too wanted to unravel the redhead. And she knew she had to give some to get some. So she did. She had told her about her dad, about how her mom had left them when she was only very little. Had opened up about her loneliness as a child, how she had wished to have a brother or a sister. Her dad used to work a lot. Still does, but he drowned himself in his work when her mom had left them. He had worked day in and day out, dropping Beca off at kindergarten and babysitters first thing in the morning and picking her up at the end of the day. Beca hadn't known better, of course, until her freshman year in high school. She had confronted him about it, had told him that she had missed him and that she still missed him. She didn't mind being alone anymore, but she had wanted to share things with her dad. Wanted to share all her music with him, she wanted to get him to listen to her demo's. So her dad had cried, and she had cried. She had mainly cried because she cries when other people cry, but the tears were raw and real. And from that moment onward, their bond was stronger and better. He had listened to her demo's, he had gone to parent-teacher conferences, had been there when she received some of her honor rolls. They ate dinner together every night, went to sports games, went to concerts. He saw her graduate, was there in the audience applauding the loudest. He had stood up, thrown his fist in the air. She had been a bit embarrassed -which child wouldn't be- but she hadn't made a problem out of it. He was proud of her, and she was proud of herself. She had managed high school, had straight A's, and had improved her music. Her music teacher, Mr. Barns, had encouraged her. And behind her back, her dad had teamed up with him. He had asked Mr. Barns' advise about the best mixing-program, and he had bought it for her. So with her MacBook, Native Instruments Traktor Pro 2 and some other necessary stuff, he had dropped her off at Barden.

And there the whole adventure had started. Strangers, friendships and relationships. Kissing, hugging and sex. Too many parties, too many hungover lectures and tutorials. Cried because of losses, cried because of laughter. Many fights, with Jesse and Bellas, but many movie sessions to make up for it. Baking, cooking, failing and ordering food. Singing, shouting, whispering. Running, sliding of stairs, laying in bed whole days to not be able to sleep at night. It were the best years of her life. And even though it is a cliché, those years have shaped her into the person she is now. They've all had their contribution to her, some bigger than others. She sometimes wonders about what she would have turned out like without them. If she had just continued living in her dorm for 3 years, studying music and that's it. She's pretty sure she wouldn't have made it. She would have dropped out, would have gone back to Ohio to her dad, would have gotten a job there and would have tried to make it in the industry on her own. But then she definitely would not be where she is at right now. Content with her sound, content with who she is in the industry.

Or who she can be. Because if someone would ask her straight up if she is happy with her life as of now, then the answer would probably be a no. It would be considered to say yes, but if she was being totally honest, then no.

She is happy with where her music is. Because even though the internship had been shitty, it had brought her where she wanted to be right from her start in LA. Radio stations, producers and events organizations recognized her and her network had grown rapidly. She produced, send out demo's, played at clubs and bars and she had gotten bigger. She has quite the reputation now, and she is happy with that. No doubt about it.

She is also happy with her geographical location. LA is a good place to live in. She has a lovely neighbor, Alex, which she doesn't really hang out with anymore but they talked every now and then. She can provide for herself, easily, and doesn't have to worry about any major issues. But she is not _happy_ happy. She is still alone, in the most trite sense of the word. She has Jesse and her dad, and that's about it. Aside from the contacts she makes at work, but those are shallow. You get together and you work together, you bring out a single together and then you part ways again. She sometimes writes lyrics or parts of them, but because it is never an acoustic track where the lyrics matter too much she never has to explain them to anyone. As long as the singer understands it and gives it his or her own twist and tells it he or she feels it should be told, it is fine. Then it doesn't matter that she wrote it. So that's not really any deep or significant contact.

She had slept with Alex every now and then, but they had found out that that's not really fitting for their relationship. They both didn't care enough, which was fine for a few weeks, but eventually Beca had needed her partner to be and do things Alex didn't do, simply because she wasn't that person. Beca had compared her to Jesse, in a way. And she doesn't want to admit it, but she had compared her to Chloe as well. She needed someone like Chloe to care about her. She wanted a friendship like the one she and Chloe had had, and added to that the sexual attraction. And Chloe had set those standards too high. Way too high. Every person Beca would stumble upon and would try it with, wouldn't pass the test. And she knows that. She is just not ready to settle for something less, yet. Less passionate, less rooted in her. And she will be, eventually. She just doesn't know when yet.


	4. Chapter 4

When Chloe steps out into the warm Miami night, she smiles to herself. She loves the feeling of the heat. The wind feels as a warm blanket slipping around her and the sunset looks like a Claude Monet. It warms her on the inside as much as the actual heat does on the outside. She takes a cab to her suite in Bay Harbour and tries to settle down and relax a bit. It is late in the evening and her flight back is scheduled for Thursday morning, so she wants to make the best of her two days here. Beca's flight arrives Tuesday morning, and her gig will be at Story from about 11PM till 2AM. It's a gig in a series of upcoming new and inventive DJs. It happened every year in Miami, which had let to famous DJs as Diplo, Tiësto and David Guetta. It's always an honor and a promising move when you get invited to the festival. It draws millions of visitors form all over the world, which included the previous mentioned DJs. They come to the concerts to look for new sounds to collaborate with. Martin Garrix, for example, also DJ'd there. So, knowing Beca, she's too nervous to really do anything on Tuesday, before the gig.

The redhead remembers how Beca would tense up before performances. She would always pinch the bridge on her nose with one hand, and tap her thumb against the fingers of the other hand in a rhythm, starting with her pinky and going back up and down. And she would shut others out. It didn't take Chloe long to recognize the signs and it took her even less time to respond to them in the right way. She let Beca be, let her in her own bubble, but she would occasionally put her hand on her shoulder and squeeze. And Beca always accepted that. She would tilt her head to the side of Chloe's hand every so often, while blowing out a rush of air and closing her eyes. It brought her back to the here and now of that moment, and it grounded her. Reminded her that she wasn't alone and she wasn't the only person responsible for all that had happened and all that was about to happen. And she kept onto that when they lost. Beca would say it was team effort and that they had, all together, messed up. There never was one person to blame, also not when Fat Amy showed her vagina to the world. Beca kept saying it was unintentional and unplanned, and therefore a mistake. Which everyone makes, and which everyone, yet no one, could have done something about. And she also kept up the team effort when they won. Beca never drew the attention to her, always emphasized the importance of having it done together. That it was a everyone's contribution. And Chloe had admired that. Still does. And she wonders how Beca deals with the fame now. When she kind of is the only person she can both thank and blame for anything that happens in her life. The redhead knows Beca makes her own decisions and that she is capable of that. But she wishes she would have been there for some of her victories. But at a certain point she had found it too awkward to text Beca again. She had sent so many messages, all left unanswered. Or answered with a simple **"Thanks :)"**. She never received texts back anymore. Or at least, not the texts that she wanted to receive. Never a sincere question about her life, only superficial and simplistic combinations of short words. But every time Beca had something important, and Chloe knew each and every time that was, she'd wished she was able to put her hand on the brunette's shoulder. To give it an ever so light squeeze. To remind her that it was all okay, that she could do it, and that she was going to be okay. And she had replaced her squeezing hand with text messages, had tried to, until they got unanswered. She saw the clock tick by with her phone in her hand every time Beca had something important. Without sending a text. Her feelings had been all over the place during those times. She hated herself for being childish and not just sending the simple text. She felt sad that Beca had apparently found it a better idea to let their friendship go. She was mad, furious even, about Beca ignoring her. Couldn't get her head to it that the DJ would be so _selfish_. And then she would feel sad again, because she knows Beca isn't selfish. And she knows something must have happened that made Beca think that this was the better way out.

" **Okay, so my flight arrives at 1PM. I have to be go to my hotel real quick and change and stuff, but would you like to meet up around 5ish? I don't have to set up till 10, so we can like hang out till about then. Or shorter. I don't know, just let me know okay? Cool"**

Beca sends the text right before boarding. She had to get up way too early this morning for this flight, which she had rebooked so she would arrive in Miami a bit earlier to see Chloe a little longer. She's a tad cranky about some kids playing around but she tries not to bother too much. Knows it's a waste of energy and that the kids are just having fun. She likes kids, not annoying ones, but she likes to see kids happy and see them make their parents happy. She wants kids herself, someday. Not just yet though. Sometimes she wishes she could perform for a group of young children. She would love to see them go out and about without a care in the world. But, you know, her audience is a bit older. Just a tad though, not too much. They also sometimes have some helping supplements to get them to go out and about without a care in the world. Which she doesn't like, because it takes away the actual sensing and feeling of the music. But that is, unfortunately, a side of the music business she has learned to deal with. She, thus, instead focuses on some more sober people. People who are aware of her, of their surroundings, and the rhythm and story of the music. She had met some nice people through it, because especially during her start-up years she would hang out in the club for a bit to chill and meet some strangers. To get to know the city she was in, the culture she found herself in. One of her bigger goals is still to perform overseas, outside of America. She wants to discover Europe. Sziget, Melt and DGTL are some stages she dreams of. But she knows there is work to be done to get there. Of which this performance in Miami is a very good start. So, after boarding the plane, she takes her pillow and lowers her chair to go for a good four hour nap.

The heat hits her. Like a slap in the face with a chair from yours truly, the Hulk. She is, of course, used to heat. She lives in LA for God's sake. But this is a different kind of heat. LA is broody, warm form bodies, from heat reflecting off of roads. This heat is straight from the almighty star. And it burns her immediately. Of course she also didn't think longer than 2 seconds about what she was going to wear, so here she was standing in Miami, at 1PM with black jeans, a black shirt and a green jacket. And a suitcase. Fortunately, the Story Club owns the same mixing table she uses, so she didn't have to go through the hassle of getting hers over to the sunny southside. She never really likes having to do that, because it entails showing off her status. And she doesn't like that. She preferred being more lowkey, not bashing about her success. So this was the best possible solution to that. A good start is half the battle, and she hopes that covers the whole duration of her trip. Not that she saw this trip as a battle, she doesn't think seeing Chloe is a battle, but she knows there might be a few bumps along the road. Knowing Chloe, the redhead will ask her about why she had ignored her. And Chloe doesn't lie about her feelings and will tell Beca about how it had made her feel. And Beca knows that that is not going to be easy to hear and endure. But she has to. And Beca _wants_ to justify her behavior. Even if she doesn't know how. Thinking of Chloe makes her realize that she had flicked the redhead a message and that she hasn't yet turned her phone back on. Once she does, she sees the reply.

 **I have some stuff to do as well so 5 is fine :) I was also thinking we could go for dinner together? If you have time, at least**

She thinks about that for a bit. She doesn't really have a ritual when it comes to preparing for a performance, but she does like to take her time and be alone for a while to get to the right mindset. Or she doesn't _like to,_ she _has_ to. One time her manager Jimmy had walked into her changing room to ask a quick question when she was just getting ready for a gig. She had gotten annoyed but had answered the question. But he didn't go away, he had just kept on standing in her room, trying to make small talk when she was very obviously not into it. So she had let out a small -for her scale it was small at least- burst of annoyance at him. Just teeny tiny ("get the hell out of my room Jimmy or I'll make sure your whole bedroom and bed are full of Legos and you step on them for weeks"). And he hadn't talked to her before a gig for a solid two months. But aside from needing her alone time she was didn't have a ritual or habit. And she can make an exception for Chloe. Knows she will without a doubt in her mind. Plus she actually _has_ enough time. And she would like to go for dinner. She thinks about the time frame a bit more, thinks about spending five hours with Chloe in one sitting **.** And it's not about Chloe, it's about her. She can't remember the last time she was with a friend for five hours without watching a two hour movie in between so they didn't have to talk all the time. But on the other hand, they do have a lot to catch up on.

 **Yeah, sounds good. What's a good place to meet? I'm staying at Moderno by Bay Breeze**

She knows that Chloe's suite is right around that corner, but she doesn't mention it. She doesn't want to come across as a creep. She has some sort of reputation to uphold, she hopes.

 **Awesome, that's around the corner! I'll just pick you up :)**

 **Alright, c u soon"**

And that's that. Now she has a few hours mentally prepare and pick out some clothes for the dinner and the gig. Luckily, she was kind of prepared for this. After she had gone through her closet a million times and finally settling on something she still wasn't too happy about, the brunette had thrown a dark blue, suede dress into her suitcase with a heavy sigh. Having taken too much time for that, Beca ran her hands through her shirts and simply picked out a white one, didn't bother folding it and threw it in the suitcase as well, along with her worn down black jeans, basically her go to outfit for most of her gigs. So that was quite an easy pick. The dark blue dress remembers her of one of her more intimate nights with Chloe. Beca's mind shifts back to that particular night, and even though she doesn't remember all of it, she remembers the important parts. Because they had had a party, but her and Chloe both weren't too drunk to blame their loose lips on the amount of alcohol they had consumed. They had lied in her bed together after having enough of the dancing and screaming, and Amy was long gone as well, accompanied with one of her flings. Beca and Chloe had talked about graduation and leaving. The brunette had already booked her flights to LA, and Chloe already had the majority of her master degree planned out. Their paths were already separating, even when they were still together and they had both felt it. Chloe, of course, broke the ice. They were facing each other, and the redhead had brought her hand up to Beca's cheek, sliding her finger against her jaw.

"I'll miss you, Beca,". It was a quiet whisper, against Beca's forehead. Beca had opened her mouth, closed it again, and closed her eyes with it. She didn't want to say it back, because that wouldn't do her feelings any justice. Because she would miss the redhead more than she wanted to admit. To herself and to Chloe. That would be too much, and she was afraid that either she or Chloe would have changed their plans. Because Beca knew that they only had to say it to each other, commit to their strange friendship which sometimes felt as more than a friendship. Which she had wanted to _be_ more than a friendship. And if they had done that, things would have been very different now. Most likely. So instead of telling her she would miss her too, Beca had, after too many heartbeats of silence, kissed her. And they had kissed before, of course. They were in a sorority, in which kissing each other happened quite often. But those kisses mainly came from dares, from 'would you rathers'. Those kisses _were_ blamed on the alcohol. And that had always been fine. Wasn't something they needed to talk about, because they were drunk at the moment of happening. Often when Beca and Chloe had kissed, 5 minutes later Jessica and Ashley would be kissing, or Stacie and Aubrey. It never _meant_ something. But the kiss they had shared in her bed was different, in a way. It had been sincere, not totally but closer to sober than others, and more reserved, yet more intimate than any of the other kisses. But it had also been the same. Because it wasn't awkward, it wasn't weird. It happened. And they also, like the drunk kisses, hadn't talked about it again. Which was fine, because Beca was moving out in 3 weeks anyway. But it also very much wasn't fine, because even though they didn't talk about it, it wasn't as if it didn't happen. Chloe became more distant, as if the brunette was already gone. The redhead hadn't ignored her -wouldn't have been able to even if she wanted to, living together and all-, but she had… cared less. Not just about Beca, but about all the Belllas. She was in her room more often, was quieter. And it didn't go unnoticed. Stacie had asked the redhead what was wrong, to which she always replied "just busy, you know. Already studying new books while moving out and all". And that excuse was accepted. It was a logical excuse. But Beca knew that Chloe would never start three weeks up front with moving out. Maybe she was studying, yes, but she definitely hadn't started packing yet. Chloe would only start packing once it was basically too late, she knew that. Because Chloe needed stress to accomplish tasks she didn't really want to do. Tasks like packing. So Beca knew that was a lie, knew that something was wrong. But she hadn't pressed it, had given Chloe the space she apparently needed. They hadn't had any deep conversations in the last few weeks, and the goodbye was more shallow than she had wanted it to be. But the brunette hadn't made a point out of it. And maybe that had been the first crack in their friendship.


End file.
